My how the videogame industry has changed. Ten years ago, Japanese developers were untouchable. Rock stars. Now they have become a mockery of themselves. A mess of poor decisions, stubbornness, ego, and creative sludge; exemplified to the Western world through the Internet’s omniscient existence.

Take for example the recent trend of naming their games the most ridiculous title ever conceived by upright humans. Okay, Kingdom Hearts Re:Chain of Memories isn’t too bad, as long as no one realizes Re: is pretty standard nowadays for reply or regarding, not remake. But not to be outdone, two new chapters in the series – 358/2 Days and Birth by Sleep - are inconceivably bad.

This isn’t some Lost In Translation situation, this is all about Japanese developers thinking they are clever and creative to use the English language in a way it was never meant to be. How about the untouchable Hideo Kojima – you know, the guy who probably cost Konami millions of dollars by refusing to port Metal Gear Solid 4 to the Xbox 360? Smart man. That brain came up with Metal Gear Solid 2: Substance, which was titled because he likes Joy Division. It might not even sound that out of place, if it weren’t for Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence. So what do we get with Metal Gear Solid 4 - Substandard?

What about that tired trend of making every DS entry from a storied franchise have a subtitle that starts with the letters “D” and “S”? Dual of Sandwiches, anyone? And who could ever forget classics like Irritating Stick or Infinite Undiscovery? Japan is the land where shit is polished into Shinola, no doubt.

With some practice, I think I could make a pretty rich living in Japan coming up with names for games to reach Japanese audiences. Instead of Call of Duty, let’s call it WW3 .reload. Or instead of Halo, call it Ring of Space: Unavoidable Flood. Or Mass Effect could be called Space Jockey: Death by Talk. When anyone in Japan asks what’s for desert, are they told 4/1 Eat Prepare:  @Epilogue?

So let’s play a game, I’ll call it .Histerical Game. Take a normal game, say Gears of War 2, and give it a Japanese title, say Bandana of War re:Under/Ground. Post in the comments section or send me a Twitter with your creations. I’m looking forward to a good laugh!