I’m not an angry gamer, really. Well, sort of, but I don’t want to be. I only want to help. My goal is that when it’s your turn for introductions, you aren’t embarrassed to say, “I like to play videogames.” And I’m sure some of you already do, and if so you should be embarrassed.

My latest target is the infamous Hideo Kojima. You know, the Metal Gear Solid guy? He makes awesome games, right? Wrong. He’s the one who came up with the ridiculous la-li-lu-le-lo. He’s the guy who had trained assassins think it was perfectly acceptable to disregard walking cardboard boxes. The point is, he makes enjoyable videogame experiences, but taken out of that context his creations are entirely laughable.

And there’s the rub. Society doesn’t see games like Metal Gear Solid as anything but a childish diversion, regardless if it sells millions to a mature demographic. People will never consider playing videogames as acceptable as watching film, listening to music, or even playing Texas Hold ‘Em. No one will ever understand the complexity and depth of videogames as long as there are games like Kojima’s getting all of the attention. Hell, it would be better if all games released were mindless frag-fests, because those could at least be considered “sport”.

So here’s to the man, regarded by the gaming community as one of the top minds of the industry, who incoherently compares the three competing consoles to fine dining; whose arrogance trumps logic; whose Hollywood adaptation will be a step backward for the social recognition of videogames as an accepted form of mainstream entertainment; and who was obviously separated at birth from Beaky (okay, cheap shot). Thanks for making it so hard for all of us to tear down the mammoth walls you so effortlessly built.

May MGS4 drown in a sea of insignificance. It would do everyone a lot of good that way.